The Glitch Ramblings of Iphone’s Quicktype

Posted about 5 years ago by Jonah Butler

The modern human life is mostly dependent on technology. We are connected. We wear our computers on our wrists, reminding us to not forget to breathe. They’re in our back pockets, 1300 times more powerful than the onboard computers that took Apollo 11 to the moon. Our refrigerators know when the milk is getting low and makes a shopping list. You can control the lights in someone’s bedroom in Texas (yeah, this one is awesomely weird). But despite all this connectedness and automation, there are still things that humans just don’t want our friendly neighborhood computers doing for us. One of those things is getting our phones to do the talking for us. That is just something humans aren’t ready to give up for convenience. But what happens when we give our technology the go ahead to say something? Well I wondered the same thing and decided to see what my Iphone had to say about things like death, life, cake, libraries and more.

So if you didn’t know, Iphones have a feature called Quicktype. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s a feature that tries to predict your next word when typing messages.  You supply it with the first word, sit back and watch as some of the most illuminating, nonsensical and thought provoking stuff comes out. Here’s a few of my favorite ones that I’ve done.


Seems like the Iphone thinks pretty highly of Siri.

I just chose the first animal that came to mind, the octopus. Not exactly sure if this means anything. But the octopus does have a better memory than humans, making it, in my opinion, a little more likely to get home after a long night of binging on clams and other cephalopods.

Sometimes it has a sense of humor.


This one is my favorite. There is something very zen happening here with this one. Probably not the best idea to look for life advice from Quicktype messages, but the implications here aren’t half bad.

So it seems like the Iphone has gotten at least two things right. The octopus will remember where it put its key last night even though they aren’t by the door and this.

So we found out the Iphone’s thoughts on life, so it only seems fair to know its thoughts on death. Does your phone know something about the afterlife that we don’t?



These musings are just a sliver of all the beautifully poetic nonsense that can come out from your phone. It’s like one part fortune cookie and another part tarot-wielding psychic.  Need advice about how to live your life? Should you actually eat that whole cake to yourself? What about the octopus? What’s the deal with death? All these questions and more are waiting to be answered. I probably won’t be using Quicktype to talk to my friends and family anytime soon, but it’s at least interesting to see what your phone has to say when there’s a little autonomy involved.  Give it a try!

Write Your Comment